Hold Me Harder Read online

  “Stop, pequeña,” he ordered. His fingers bit into her flesh as he tightened his grip on her bottom. In their everyday conversation, she was cariño, sweetheart, but in dominant mode, Javier called her pequeña, his little one, the name that demanded her submission.

  He ran a finger over her brow and held her wary gaze with his serious one. “I failed you, Natalie. I never taught you to recognize the signs of someone looking for a submissive partner, how to know whether he is the right man for you.” Javier reached behind her head and removed the two wooden picks from her hair, letting it cascade across her shoulders. “I never thought you wouldn’t be mine.”

  Indeed, Javier had molded her from the beginning. Submission had been contrary to everything she thought she valued, and yet, when she gave her cares—and her care—to Javier, her world had changed. She wanted to please him, ached for his guidance, his rewards, and even his punishments. Until the incongruity of her life had begun to prey on her.

  “I don’t need to recognize signs, mi sol. I’m not looking.”

  He clicked his tongue, a sharp sound so full of disappointment it gave her a frisson of unease. “When did you become silly, Natalie?”

  “I’m not silly,” she said, bruised by his words. “I wanted to find my own way. And I have.”

  “Have you? I see your computer and your phone and your corporate clothes.” He gestured around the room. “You’re the jefe there, but what of your other side? You are only half a person right now.”

  That he so blithely identified her unease made her breath hitch. “More than half,” she argued, but she experienced a flutter of anticipation as he moved to sit on the end of the bed.

  “Come here, pequeña.” He waved her over. “Take off my shirt.”

  Natalie wavered, ready to bolt. Forward or back, she couldn’t say, until she took the first step toward him and everything inside her relaxed like a bird settling to roost.

  “You knew you couldn’t come here and have it any other way between us, right, cariño?” he said with a wistful smile.

  “I should have.” She thought she’d prepared for this trip, mentally. It was disappointing to see how badly she’d fooled herself. She had lived with Javier’s control for too long not to fall right back under his influence, especially since she now understood how much she had missed this blanket of tranquility, of not having to choose, of having no choices to make at all.

  Her fingers trembled as she fought with the buttons on his shirt, but she finally managed them and pushed the edges aside. As ever, she was undone by the sight of his body, muscled and scarred, marked by a lifetime of working with horses. The bulges of his shoulders and the lines and undulating strata of his chest and abdomen drew her fingertips like a magnet. She reacquainted herself with his body, flicked her nails across his drawn nipples, small but positive proof of how she affected him. Her eyes followed the line of dark hair leading down his abdomen and rested on the ridge evident inside his jeans.

  Natalie licked her lips.

  He threaded his fingers in her hair and tipped her head back. “I should make you,” he said, “but it would be selfish of me.” He cupped her breast, drew his thumb back and forth across her nipple, raising it to take between his teeth through her blouse. His hands skimmed down her back, around her hips, and lower, to catch the hem of her skirt on the webs of his thumbs. Dragging upward, he exposed the length of her thighs, her satin and lace underwear, the pale skin of her belly. She stood motionless before him as he slid his thumb up and down the silky front of her panties, the rough edges of a callous snagging the weave.

  He pressed his lips to her belly button, coiled his tongue in languid turns from the rim into its basin before moving outward to press kisses around the small bulge of her tummy. Down and down he moved, one kiss at a time, while his fingers smoothed over her bottom and inched under the high arc of lace. His palms settled over her bottom, his fingertips curving into the crack. “You can breathe if you want, cariño,” he said quietly.

  She really couldn’t. Breathe. She swayed forward and reached for his shoulder when he drew the front of her underwear aside and touched his tongue to her, following the seam upward, coiling again, this time around the sensitive bud concealed near its apex. She drew in a stuttering breath then, and heard his hum of satisfaction.

  He kissed deep in the join of her thigh, nipping the tendon, drawing his tongue through the soft depression inside of her hip bone, and all the while his hands worked on her blouse, unbuttoning it more deftly than she had managed with his shirt. He pushed the silk over her shoulders and drew the backs of his fingers over the flimsy netting of her bra, soothed and pulled at her nipples beneath before leaving her breasts to run a deliciously coarse finger through her folds. He found her wet and wanting. “Come here, pequeña,” he said, and turned her to sit between his legs, her back to his chest.

  When she had settled, he drew a bandana from his pocket and used her thigh like a table to fold it into a neat band. The simple, methodical act delivered a keen ache, no less than any explicit touch he could have teased her with.

  With slow, deliberate movements, he smoothed back her hair and covered her eyes with the cloth. Then he sat, still and silent, as he waited for her other senses to engage. This aspect of his dominance had been a surprise to her from the beginning, the rising desperation for his touch she found almost more painful than any physical punishment he might employ as he drew the moment beyond its breaking point.

  Finally, Natalie remembered to find the warmth of his hands hovering over her legs, her breasts, to listen to the rhythm of his quieter, calmer breathing. Only then did she relax. And only then did he ease her thighs apart and slip his fingers through flesh ready and waiting, curling and uncurling his fingers over her damp softness. Spirals of sensation unwound within her, careened up her spine and down her legs.

  Natalie’s head dropped back onto his shoulder and a moan, part agony, part joy, struggled up her throat.

  “How I’ve missed that sound,” Javier said, his thumb circling, his fingers pressing, pulling a soft gasp from her.

  He overwhelmed her with sensations inside and out until she was reaching, her fingers digging into his thighs, desperate for release. But, by his rule, she was unable to beg. He would break her in his own time, or not at all.

  She had forgotten what it was like to be driven to the edge by his softly spoken erotic praise. To be kept balanced at the tipping point for so long, the pain of it, and the pulses of heat scorching her. The mindfuck of it all. Her breathing was shallow when she breathed at all, for the sound of his voice paralyzed her with hope.

  He took her earlobe between his teeth and said, “Look, mi pequeña.” He drew off the bandana. “Do you think he’s enjoying it?”

  Natalie blinked to clear her vision and inhaled a sharp exclamation at what she saw through the filmy curtains. Ryan’s familiar outline, standing on the porch outside her room, still as a cardboard silhouette. Lust, hot and demanding, swamped her, made her pulse inside.

  “It pleases you,” Javier said, his unfaltering fingers winding her to the limit of what she could withstand. She couldn’t hold back her mewl of need as she strained between his thighs, her hips tilted into his hand.

  “Come for us, then, pequeña. Now.” His demand, his thumb on her clitoris, his fingers deep inside her, Ryan’s presence…all of it sent her soaring, keening into the exquisite darkness.

  He held her steady and quiet after, until her mind cleared and her limbs came to solidity again. “How long has he been there?” she groaned.

  “Long enough.”

  Natalie turned her head at an acute angle to glare at him. “Why would you do that?”

  He chuckled, a low rumble against her back. “I only invited him to relax on the chairs out front, to enjoy the vista of the lake and the horses. I doubt he can see inside, cariño. His view in is worse than ours out. He’s probably trying to figure out if there is a raccoon giving birth under the porch.”

>   She thumped her shoulder blades against his chest. “Beast.”

  He laughed louder this time, deep and rich and exceedingly rare. The sound made a different sort of warmth blossom through her. Affection, mixed uncomfortably with second thoughts about having tossed this all away.

  God, she was pathetic. So easy, so malleable. Twenty minutes and a primal orgasm and she was his again. Her gaze traveled back to the window. She was something much, much darker, too. The voyeuristic thrill of seeing Ryan there, of providing a show, had electrified her.

  “He could be your protector, cariño. If it can’t be me,” Javier said, as if he had sensed her thoughts. “And if you wish it.”

  Natalie looked back at him again, finding his gaze gentle as he stroked the length of her hair. “I don’t.”

  “He can’t keep his eyes off you, and with so many miles between us, I can’t keep mine on you. He took a misstep, but I would mentor him, if you want. Teach him, so that you could have this again.”

  “I…” She shook her head. “I don’t want it again.”

  His expression turned grim. “I think you do. Only I think you’re too stubborn to admit you have been living a lie.” Javier eased her to her feet and stood to twitch the heavy velveteen curtains over the sheers. He unbuckled his belt as he stalked back toward the bed. “Give me your hands, mi pequeña,” he said, the leather snapping through his belt loops. “We’re not done here, yet.”

  Natalie had no idea how much time had passed, only that she ached pleasantly in several places, and her bottom held the shimmering warmth of Javier’s handprint. He had already gotten partially dressed, but she still lay facedown on the bed, reveling in his tenderness as he drew the backs of his fingers along her skin from neck to knees. “You’re out of practice, cariño, but not so far as I thought you must be.”

  His praise swirled through her like a shot of his fine tequila, adding to her lassitude. “You weren’t really trying and you know it,” she said, watching him work his belt through the loops and pull his shirt back on.

  “That’s true,” he said, patting her bottom. “I wouldn’t have time to care for you properly after a serious afternoon. I have to get back to the barns.” He squatted beside the bed, bringing his face into her line of sight, his chin propped on his forearms. “Are you all right? Can I get you a glass of water, or have them bring you something from the kitchen?”

  “I’m lovely. I’ll be on my feet in five minutes, no worse for your lame effort.” She smiled at him.

  “Lame, eh?” He stretched across the mattress and covered her lips with a savage kiss until she pushed him back with a laugh. “Get some rest.” He cupped his hand between her legs. “And for now, only I get to touch here, yes? Not you, not anyone else.” He curled his finger with suggestive purpose and her nerves glimmered like the trailing sparks of a firework.

  “Yes, Javier.”

  He pushed off the bed and pulled open the dark curtains a few inches. Light flooded in through the sheers, but there was no sign of Ryan. Javier ran his palm over her bottom. “You have tied yourself in knots, Natalie, so let me tell you something,” he said, pressing a kiss to the low curve of her spine. He pulled the sheet to her mid back and added a kiss on her shoulder. “You think your submissive nature makes you weak, but you’re wrong. You’re strong, cariño. So strong. I’ll see you later, yes? We still have much to discuss.”

  Natalie listened to Javier’s boot steps recede down the hallway outside her door, then turned her head to watch as he clattered down the front stairs outside. He settled his flat-crowned hat onto his head and flicked his wrist in an imperious gesture meant to send the hands in the corral scattering to the corners of the horse-operation.

  Natalie sighed. Back to work for them all.

  She allowed herself the full five minutes before she got reluctantly out of bed, slipped on a pair of loose pants and a T-shirt, and picked up the weekend agenda Chloe had provided to each of them. There was a lake cruise leaving at four. Natalie glanced at the clock. Nope, she wasn’t going to make that, not with the need to catch up at the office. She shot Chloe a text apologizing for her absence and then logged into her office extranet while she dialed her phone. Her assistant, Caroline, answered on the first ring.

  “Oh, thank God, Natalie.”

  “I’ve got a stable internet connection now,” Natalie said without preamble. “Set up a video conference and let’s get this sucker handled. Get someone from marketing, PR, and legal. And leave Stanley out of it. He’s got everyone freaked out enough as it is.” Her boss was great at corporate communication, but far too much the hair-on-fire-type when it came to a marketing mistake that could cost the company millions. Probably something to do with his compensation package.

  “Got ya. Twenty minutes? I’ll email you the link.”

  “Ten. Ten minutes, Care. Oh, and get that guy from tech.” Natalie wracked her brain but couldn’t come up with the name. “The one who’s really good at dumbing down his end of things for us. We can come up with all the creative solutions we want, but if tech can’t pull it off, we’re wasting our time. Vaneesh! That’s the one.”

  “Vaneesh. All right…” Caroline’s voice was replaced by the mad background clicking of a keyboard. “Okay, we have an online video con set. You should see the link any second. Invites are all sent.”

  “Perfect. You’re on the call, too.”

  “I’ll be there, boss.”

  Natalie hung up and hoped they wouldn’t notice her standing through the entire meeting.

  Chloe had jammed the weekend full of group activities. After the boat tour, they had a dressy dinner, for which Natalie had plenty of time to prepare, physically and mentally. As Chloe’s co-maid of honor, she would be sitting at the same table as Ryan. Hopefully somewhere far enough away she could continue to ignore him.

  Or not. When she walked into the private dining room, her eye caught him first. To locate him, she told herself, so she could keep the crowd and the width of the room between them. So what if he had glanced up when she entered, as if he’d been watching for her, or if he was holding her gaze like a tractor beam?

  She had managed fine on the drive to the lodge. She could manage tonight, and this entire weekend. It only required a conscious decision to break eye contact and scan the rest of the room.

  Javier had taken special interest in this space. Original artwork and shelves of Spanish wine lined the walls, and Chloe and Dave’s friends ranged out, admiring both. In the center of the room, three tables had been arranged in a “U,” the head table set for five, presumably Chloe and Dave, Ryan, the best man, and both maids-of-honor, Natalie, and Jenna, Chloe’s best friend. The wine steward stopped in front of Natalie, offering her a glass of champagne. When everyone had been served, Ryan tapped his glass with the tines of a fork, gathering the wedding party’s attention and asking everyone to find a seat. Natalie sat on the far end next to Jenna, putting three people between her and Ryan. Perfect.

  While everyone settled, Jenna eyed Natalie, and then Ryan, with an inquisitive gaze, one that seemed intent on figuring them out. Obviously, Chloe had spread the word that the two of them had split, but Natalie had no intention of making it a topic of conversation. She turned toward Ryan as he stood. As always, he presented an appealing view, dressed in a crisp blue cotton shirt, tailored slacks, and carefully tamed hair. Of course, all the polish contrasted wildly with his crooked smile, and the mischievous twinkle in his eye. Traits that made him all the more dangerous.

  “I’m sure you’re all as happy as I am to be part of what, I predict, is going to be an epic union of two incredible people,” Ryan said, tipping his glass toward Chloe and Dave. His gaze touched on each of them fondly, then tracked to Natalie, lingering a shade too long. Chloe and Jenna both turned to look at her, but Natalie only offered a bland smile, and kept a neutral eye on Ryan. “May we all be so lucky,” he said, raising his glass. The rest of them did likewise with various shouts of good fortune—cheers and skal and
salud.

  The waitstaff paraded in next, bringing a meal of bison tenderloin, pecan-crusted rainbow trout fished from the local rivers, creamy golden potatoes, and fresh asparagus. How Javier managed to attract five-star-worthy chefs to the isolation of northern Idaho had always been one of the great mysteries of his success.

  Spanish guitar floated from speakers overhead, barely audible above the clink of silverware and lively conversation. Natalie absorbed it all with only half an ear. She didn’t mean to be aloof. She loved her sister dearly, but they couldn’t be more different, which made socializing with numerous Chloe-alikes a bit of a strain. At least Jenna was easier than the others. She treated Natalie with a sort of respectful fear, and only engaged when Natalie initiated the conversation.

  Luckily, the rest of the bridal party talked up a storm, so Natalie didn’t feel any responsibility for conversation. All she had to do was occasionally nod or murmur mm-hmm to maintain her end.

  When the dishes were finally cleared after fresh berry sorbet and chocolate torte, everyone stood and started moving around the room in search of fresh conversational targets. Natalie stayed seated, reveling in a moment of peace.

  It was short-lived, though. Ryan pulled an empty chair around and straddled it, facing her. “Are we going to have a standoff every time we see each other?” he asked.

  Natalie’s brows rose. “Excuse me?”

  “Come on, Nat, don’t do this.”

  Me? she almost squawked. She bit her tongue before she made a scene. “I’m not sure I understand why you think we need to be friends, Ryan,” she said. “We dated, it didn’t work out. Move on.”

  His cheeks flushed with annoyance. “Dated. That’s a nice reconstruction.”

  Anger bloomed in Natalie’s stomach, a hot ball that expanded out until her fingers twitched with the urge to shove him away. “Would you prefer me to say you brought around another woman to fuck?”

  “Don’t be absurd.” He took her wineglass out of her hand before she knew he was reaching for it, and took hold of her wrist. Natalie watched, speechless, as he brought her hand to his mouth and grazed his teeth across her knuckles, his steady gaze daring her to look away. “That isn’t what happened and you know it,” he whispered. “Talk to me, Nat. What are you afraid of?”